| oh hey xanga.
i'm in love.
thought you should know.
kbyeee. |
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| Paranormal Activity was the scariest movie ever. |
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| Long lost xanga.
I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm sad & scared. What do I doooo.
Pray for me. |
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Heavenly Father, watch with us over your child, and grant that she may be restored to that perfect health which it is yours alone to give; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
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(stolen from Nikki)
Pre-con was more or less amazing. I'll be honest, I wasn't into it at first. I was anxious and forgetful of the real reason I was there. AJ's opening worship took my mind off of unimportant things. But only temporarily. For some reason, I was near tears. I loved it. But soon after, my nerves were back. Dance happened, and I'll admit, I was cocky. I forgot that we were dancing for God and instead focused on the prize. It wasn't until the closing worship that I truly surrendered all I had to Him. The second that cross was lifted, my hand was too. Seeing that cross and singing those songs made me truly want to be with Him. To hold His hand. To be in his presence. At the last meeting, Chris made a point to "close your eyes during worship. Don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and be with Him." With my arm raised, that cross in the air, my eyes closed - it was the closest I've felt to Him in a while. I opened my eyes a few times, but that didn't cause me to break my focus and lose that feeling of God. Seeing my other brothers and sisters with their arms raised, feeling the same thing that I was was inspiring. It only brought me closer. I don't know who led the worship, but he said something that stuck. "Trust is never hard when you focus on God." I've always found it hard to trust others. And even to trust myself. And this past week has been tough. I've been going through a lot, personally. But after hearing that during worship and feeling the power of God through me, I realized that no matter what, I just need to trust Him. I hear this everywhere, but God will never throw anything at me that I can't handle. I trust that everything that's stressing me out, scaring me, annoying me, ANYTHING; I can handle it. If I put my trust in Him, I can handle it.
In the end, New Jersey lost dance. Honestly, I was really bummed. I sulked around for a while. Again, I let my ego get in the way of what was important. I apologize if I snapped at any of you or offended you in any way. Anyway, I remembered something Connie said during my discussion group at Discovery Camp. "Life's like a maze. We head down one path and get really excited because we think we're on the right track, but then you hit a dead end. God sees that this path is wrong and leads you in a different direction." This correlates to the trust in the Lord theme. I realized that I need to trust that God chose this path for us. It hurts, but we all need to trust that it's a step in the right direction even if it feels wrong. I put my ego aside and congratulated New York on their win. It's okay if you don't believe me, but I really am happy for them. I overheard John Jay say that they've "been waiting for this for five years." And I'm glad they got it. It's their time to shine. And I have complete confidence that they'll do amazing. Rep Northeast good. :)
Dance really taught me a few things. It taught me the meaning of dedication and friendship. I barely ever had rides to practices, but when I did go, I gave it my all and tried my best. I committed those moves to memory and practiced every waking moment. They were the last things I thought of before I slept. And it brought me closer to many people. People who I've drifted from. Even people I barely talked to. I treasure these friendships with all my heart. It makes my heart hurt that we're not going to see each other as often, but h0lla to summer. Road tripsss.
Eeee. Yeah, thats it. |
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